Hello darkness, my old friend...
'The Sound of Silence' (Simon/Garfunkel)
First, let me start off by saying, I have no idea where this is going. I’m not really good at sharing my thoughts on the blog (and I don’t plan on editing this). While I enjoy reading the thoughts and experiences of others, and knowing how to pray for them, I find myself unable to articulate the thoughts that run through my head or the grief felt. So I don’t.
It has been 7 months since we lost (and when I say ‘lost’ we know where he is, we just don’t have him here…with us…now) precious Major. And grief is still there.
And it hurts.
I can tell you there isn’t a statue of limitations on pain and suffering. It doesn’t end when the meals or the visitors stop, it doesn’t end when the sermons stop addressing it. It continues. And it hurts.
It ebbs and flows. One day you will have a ‘normal’ day and then you will see his face on a picture. You will remember what he played with or how much he would have loved something, or how someone is missing at family events. And it hurts.
While I know they say time heals all wounds, I can’t say I’m there; as time continues, it has made this loss more real.
Loosing this precious one (and painful events of this past year) has made me long for home even more. God is truly faithful. (And I’ve wrestled, boy have I wrestled,) and I praise Him that my God can take my questions, my hot tears and my prayers. And I know that God has amazing plans in the midst of suffering. And He assures me…this isn’t it….(John 14:3, I Corinthians 15:19)
It saddens me that often churches are afraid to talk about suffering, when the Word of God addresses it clearly and suffering permeates almost the entire book (another post for another time I suppose) But often we don’t want to be reminded. We don’t think about it until it affects us. We like to package grief up with pat answers and time constraints. But grief will have none of it.
While circumstances do not dictate truth, we are but dust, and the emotions and realities that go with it are sometimes too much to bear.
If there is someone in your life grieving, humble yourself enough to reach out to them. Allow it to be awkward. Getting ‘dirty’ with someone in their grief and pain is what the body of Christ is to do. Please do not retreat from the bereaved.
As for us, I ask that you continue to pray for our precious family; Dave, Darcy, Marin, Somer, Lilli, and beautiful Noelle. They are still on this journey. And we still miss him.
Terribly.
And please remember to pray for those around you in the depths of suffering….
… creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. -Romans 8:19-25-
Suffering and the Sovereignty of God (Chapter 9)
http://www.crossway.org/product/1581348096/browse/175#browse
10 comments:
Kathy,
Praying for you and your family...I can't even imagine. Major's story is what brought me to your blog in the first place.
And your timing on this couldn't have been more perfect for ME to read right now. It was beautiful, and I needed to read that as some wounds are feeling pretty fresh - so thank you!
Kathy, I wrote a comment, but apparently Blogger wouldn't allow more than 4,096 characters.:0)Soooo, I posted a letter to you on my blog. http://dkkmacole.blogspot.com/
I truly feel your pain sister and can tell you with every ounce of my heart that I understand how you feel and that together, maybe we can help each other. You are a blessing to me and I hope that in my "short" note, you will see how much I appreciate and care about all of you......
In His Grip!!
Not planning to get clean any time soon.
Dirty. My heart is with you guys.
Much love, Laurie
I appreciate you sharing this, Kathy. You are so right. As a friend of mine once said "You don't get over it, you just get used to it." I wish I was there in person to give you a hug. But I will pray for God to continue to give you His peace as you grapple with this pain.
I agree with you that suffering is not addressed much in churches. I think it's partly because we live such wealthy lives and with many freedoms (as opposed to other countries), although that does not negate the suffering that you're going thru. And that kind of suffering is what "perfected" (or "matured") Jesus, proving Who He was, and it'll perfect you as well.
Although, I'm sure you'd much rather have Major back than a more mature faith. Who wouldn't?! But as you grieve, I'm praying for you. I know that Dave and Darcy must find it hard to rejoice over their newest child without feeling the grief of losing Major...I'm lifting them up as well.
Love in Christ, Angie
In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Hebrews 2:10
I have never suffered true grief...losing some one personally close to me who had an immediate and impactful difference in my life so I will be the friend that sits with you silently...know that we are here and that although geography and circumstances do not provide us the blessing of your company, you are so special and important to me...I'll do anything I can; anything at all.
Also, completely from left field - do you have an email address for Tate? I wanted to make him some cookies and don't feel comfortable calling...because I've only talked to him like four times in my life.
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could say to comfort you. You and your family are in my thoughts.
takes a lot of nerve to post your deepest feelings, but also gives us a chance to pray for YOU.
I posted a little post about Major after reading your blog and then reading what happened to him. This just broke my heart, and I know it is breaking yours. You don't ever get over this. We lost our little cousing over 30 years ago at a young age of 2 to a drunk driver, and her mother still grieves her, has her new clothing with tags still, and it is hard, terribly hard.
Great job expressing yourself, I too find myself unable to get my thoughts on my blog.
Teresa
no words, just prayers. I'm glad you're writing, it does help.
(((hugs))))
I'm not sure the pain is supposed to go away. We often wish for that but even Jesus 'wept' and he was perfect. I think "getting over it" is as much about accepting the pain as it is removing it. To remove it we have to lie to ourselves. The key may be in finding joy in suffering. It is a kinship / brotherhood thing of suffering with Darci and Dave. There's joy there, not "happiness."
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